It's gonna be a long four years...

Well what's now....oh, guess who condescended to talk to me today! That's right, Charlie! Everyone's favorite bearded alcoholic! Whoopdee-fucking-doo!
(As you may or may not have guessed, this will mostly be an anti-Charlie rant. Saddle up)

Ok, I figure not everyone’s heard my version of what happened, so here goes:
So we’ve been going out for five months-ish and everything’s more or less perfectly fine until the summer, when I found out I have to go to Egypt. So we’re camping at Mike’s property, and he’s kinda like “Well, we both know it had to end eventually, and, y’know, we’ll be far a way, and the long distance thing never works, and we’ll both find other people more convenient, etc...”. To which I reply “Well no, it doesn’t have to end because I’m willing to visit in Montreal whenever possible, and the long distance thing doesn’t work when you don’t want it to, and it’s hardly like it’s been convenient for me so far...”. So we decide to give it a try.

In Egypt, we talked on msn quite a bit considering the circumstances, and I figured things would be ok. Silly, silly Pansee. Because when I went up to visit him that one fateful weekend, THE EARTH AS WE KNOW IT WOULD BE DESTROYED!!! Well no, I’d just get really, really pissed off, but same thing because it’s me. Anywho, I show up there, and the Charlie I knew and liked from day one is gone. I mean, GONE. What was left was this inattentive, uncaring, shell of a human being who ditched his old friends for these newer, fancier, Montreal ones, and wasn’t interested in shit unless it involved being drunk or high. I didn’t come up there to watch him play video games with his friends, I didn’t come up there to help him walk up the stairs because he’s so drunk he can’t walk because he’s been drinking since NOON, and I definitely didn’t come up there to be mistreated listen to stupid shit about how he’s completely replaced his old friends with new ones and doesn’t care at all.

Current Location: Kingston
Current Mood: Vengeful
Current Music: MJ- Off the Wall

I’ve been hear all these stories here that have been making it steadily more difficult to get a good night’s rest here. I know that people here are pretty superstitious and all this supernatural stuff, and I didn’t think it would affect me, but well... listen to this:

For the last semester in university, one of my cousins decided to move in to an apartment witH one of his longtime friends, who just so happens to be a Satanist. So after a while of looking around, they settle on an apartment in the 10th of Ramadan district, where prices are pretty cheap since it’s quite a while away from the rest of Cairo, which basically means that you’re surrounded by miles of completely empty desert. Few neighbors, and no services for miles in any direction. In either case, after going through all the paperwork the come to move in their new apartment, and there’s this random old guy living there, who tells them that the apartment they actually get is the one next door, not the one they were shown...needless to say, the apartment next door is in a far worse condition than the one they thought they were getting, having been filled with the old guy’s junk, accumulated through the years. Well, my cousin and his friend figure that, being strapping young men, they can clear out all the crap that day, and they get to work.

In the middle of all this dusty junk, only one thing really stood out: a talisman, tied in bundle, with something inside. But, in the spirit of getting the job done quickly, they toss this out the window with everything else. This stood out, because there is no possible good reason for an eccentric old guy to have a talisman in his house. Anyhow, they get the job done and go to sleep. Then the weird stuff started happening: in the middle of the night, my cousin would hear a whistle on one end of the street, about a kilometer away in one direction...then barely a second later, the same whistle about a kilometer away in the opposite direction, covering the distance far faster than even a plane could have done. Then the bathroom door would open, very slowly...and just as slowly, close itself and click shut. Over and over again. And the lights would behave oddly...he could see the bathroom light, which meant the door was open, then he would see it turn off. He would assume this meant that the door was now closed, and that someone had gone inside... then when he checked it, the door was still open, the lights were off, and his friend was fast asleep. And things like pillows would change position when he left the room. This all happened in just the first night they moved in.

So the next morning, he and his friend get up and talk about the night before, and the friend said that he was just as creeped out, and swore he had nothing to do with it ( this is most likely true, as my cousin never saw his leave the room, and he was awake all night). The only suspicious thing they could think of was that talisman (because that's a pretty suspicious thing to have). So they go through the garbage and open it, and inside is a while bunch of brown paper, wrapped really tightly. And in the paper, there’s this writing. Incredibly tiny, incredibly neat writing in dark red pen. So naturally, they start reading. And from what they read, it sounded like a whole instructions, except ones that make no sense: “Hoho will meet Hemhem at 4:00 in the morning”, and things of the like. And the old guy that was originally in their apartment was basically never heard from again, and died shortly thereafter.

Things like this are almost normal here, since everyone believes in the afterlife and spirits and stuff, and Satanism is a big underground thing here...but I dunno, stories like this make me reevaluate my cynicism of their superstitious ways.

Current Location: Cairo
Current Mood: curious
Current Music: Sex and Candy- Marcy's Playground

I’ve been away at our family’s cottages for a few days now, without an internet connection, slowly wasting away. No msn, no livejournal, no free internet porn, nothing. It’s been tragic. And having to listen to insane Egyptian politics without saying an opinion makes me angry.

Like for example: a couple years ago, the Egyptian president would win the election by something like 99%, which seemed completely ridiculous landslide. I asked how that could happen. My mom replied that only last year did they open up the Egyptian elections, meaning that before, you could only vote for whether or not the president stayed or was replaced by a different party member, as opposed to voting for different parties. So since you could only vote for one party, obviously the existing party always won. So my question is: if you can only vote for one party, how come they only got 99%? How is it even humanly possible to lose that last 1%?

And the other thing: now that it’s possible for people to vote for different parties, they still don’t. “Why is that?”, you ask. Well I’ll tell you: it’s because all the opposing party members were arrested prior to the election, and were therefore all forced to drop out or the race (purely by coincidence, of course). Not that I’m complaining, the main opposing party was The Muslim Brotherhood of Cairo, whose platform is every bit as sinister as you’d think it would be, with a name like that. It’s the principle that bothers me: if the people want to vote for a party that will ultimately tear a once-great civilization to tiny, tiny pieces, they should be allowed to. The US did. And we all want to be like the US, they’re just plain better than us (please ignore my cynicism, I’m hot and uncomfortable and irritable).

The final thing that’s bothering me: the whole Israel-Lebanon-Hezbolla situation. Everyone here who wants to be a good, god-fearing Muslim is for Hezbolla and against Israel. And I can see why, Israel was randomly bombing innocent people, while Hezbolla is playing the martyr. But it’s hezbolla’s own damn fault the bombing started in the first place, they kidnaped those Israelis, knowing full well that Israel’s looking for a reason to attack the middle east. And Israel refuses to give back a whole bunch of Syrian (or Lebanese, I forgot) families that they kidnaped beforehand! And Hezbolla (a Syrian-based organization) says that they’re standing up for Muslims, while allowing hundreds of them to be killed almost daily, because being Syrian, they don’t much care for the Lebanese, and consider them political pawns. It’s annoying when grown men, political leaders, act like small children, especially when lives are at stake. My stance: to start practicing what they preach, maybe Egyptian Muslims should admit that hezbolla is a militant jihadist bunch of lunatics that are harming Islam’s image in the eyes of the west, side with the Lebanese who got decimated, and next time, I don’t know, maybe actually defending them? Egypt as a huge army, whose only purpose seems to be looking pretty in uniform (they do their job well, at least).

I’d be a lot less angry if I was able to vent to an actual person as opposed to a computer, but this’ll have to do. In the meantime, good luck and godspeed.

Current Location: *sigh* Cairo
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: Eric Idle- the FCC Song

I think these are cool, therefore they must be cool. Don't even try to argue.

Monty Python-related Genius.
Listen to "Never be rude to an Arab", "Every Sperm is Sacred", and "I like Chinese". Unless you're easily offended, in which case...don't.

How to Survive Art School
It's incredibly sad, but true. A must read for EVERYONE, even to non-artsy people (yes actually, there are non-artsy people. Don't make fun of them, we need them to build us galleries to house our art. And like...do our taxes and stuff).

The Emo Song
For all the unenlightened who haven't heard the emo song yet,  this is your chance.  You'll laugh, then you'll join us in our mockery of depressed, upper-middle class preteens. " I'm just a bad, cheap imitation of goth/ You can read me "Catcher in the Rye," and watch me jack off"

Porn Star name Generator
Everyone needs a porn star name, just in case. Mine is "Nurse Naughty". Heh.

Why I Dislike Being in Egypt
Because of these guys. And the fact that I have family members that support them. An dthefact that I have to be nice to those lunatics WHO WANT TO TAKE AWAY WOMEN'S RIGHT TO DRIVE A FUCKING CAR, much less vote. Jeez...

Now i'm all angry. I'm gonna stop typing and go back to mummifying slowly in the heat...I am tanning quite nicely though.

Current Location: Cairo. Still.
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: The humming of the fan. My saviour.

All the signs are there. No it’s true, I’m not (just) losing my mind. Observe:

•    I dislike children. Today I saw my cousin’s baby for the first time. Everyone crowds around it, cooing and cuddling and being all affectionate-like and making silly baby noises. I realize the ridiculousness of all this, and I perch myself on the windowsill behind the action, and bask in the sun. Later on, I’m asked to watch the baby for a moment while his mother fetches his bottle. I sit by the edge of the crib, eyeing it sinisterly, as though I’m repressing a subconscious urge to pounce into the cradle and do whatever nasty, harmful things it is that cats are known to do to babies. It’s as though I’m not meant to be near (human) children. I get along with kittens, though, oddly enough...   

•    I’m aloof. See, I probably could get along with my cousins here if I really tried, if I really want to, but instead, I have to sit apart from the group and judge them(they’re stupid, it’s not my fault). Crowds make me intensely uncomfortable; actually, they downright terrify me if it’s packed tight enough. I vastly prefer my own company anyhow. I don’t mind other people...  I’m just perfectly comfortable on my own, that’s all.

•    I’m Egyptian. Think about it: if a cat died hundreds of years ago and gets to choose which nationality to be reincarnated as, wouldn’t it choose to be one of the people that put it in a shrine and fed it Nile carp as an offering? Or would it choose to be one of the other people that would have either a) burned it for being a witch in disguise, or b)killed it for being a demon carrier of the plague, or c) eaten it.

•    I’m disliked by other cats. This actually makes sense: cats are a solitary animal, and dislike other cats. If they can sense the a feline-ness about me, they wouldn’t especially like me, because I’m in their territory. Charlie’s cat sits on top of the couch, giving me dirty looks until I leave. It lets me pet it, then hisses at me, as if to say “Don’t touch me till you get out of my house and off of my man, bitch!”, then tries to claw my arm. He, on the other hand, can push it suddenly off the couch and it loves him for it. Sarah’s cat sniffs me then leaves, only to eye me with disgust from afar.

•    I’m really quite flexible. I could put my legs behind my head even before I started doing yoga. I’ve also fallen from fairly high places and landed unscathed, and I’ve never broken a bone or received anything more than a mild sprain, despite being a whirlwind of chaos and destruction (yes I know I am, you don’t have to say it).

•    I hurt small defenseless animals. The bunny...need I say more? I figure it’s my predatory instinct appearing in an unguarded moment, a violent Freudian slip , if you may.

•    I’m demanding. And I quote “ I can't survive the next few weeks unless I am showered with constant attention [...]” (from the email titled “Pay attention to me, this is important!!!”. that in itself is proof enough). I need to be the center of attention in a group, and when I’m not, that distresses me, and I scratch people. If you haven’t been scratched yet, consider yourself lucky, because it hurts. If you want to know who my enemies are, look for people with lots of claw marks around their empty eye sockets, that should be a clue that they’ve crossed me.

•    I’m all-knowing. You just don’t know it, because you’re not all-knowing. Ask me anything on anything, and I’ll tell you the answer. Go on, silly mortals, dare to challenge me. Word of advice, though: read the above point, especially the section involving scratching, eyes (or lack thereof), and people who’ve crossed me. Then choose your questions wisely...

Current Location: Cairo
Current Mood: hee, kitty (^_^)
Current Music: Strawberry Fields Forever- The Beatles

See, my dad vastly disapproves of my choice of studying Fine Art, and the fact that I'm moving out, and a bunch of other choices relating to uni next year. I'd always assumed it was because he was Egyptian, and that there was a huge cultural divide between him and I, and our different upbringing could account for most of these disagreements. That meant I didn't really have to take him very seriously, because he was speaking out of a totally different set of circumstances that those that actually exist here and now in Canada. But, there's a problem...My aunts seem to LOVE the idea of me going into fine art, actually, they all say they wish their own daughters got accepted into fine art programs, and that they would have liked them studying art far more than commerce or law. Well ok, they think that because fine art is a more feminine and ladylike subject for a girl to study, so maybe their reasoning isn't altogether sound, but still...they grew up with my dad, I thought they would have agreed with him on this. So, I'm forced to come to one of two conclusions: either

a) it is just the men that hold the deeply conservative beliefs, and the women tend to side with each other. Example: a (female) cousin of mine decided to study law (which in Egypt is about as well respected as fine art, and a relatively easy degree) and her father loudly and constantly disagreed with that choice. Why? Because he doesn't like lawyers, and because it's unladylike for her to work around criminals. In either  case, her mom sided with her so she could study law, she's just finished her 1st year, and her father's quieted down a bit. So there's hope.

b) it could also be that my dad's a raving lunatic who should be ignored, and that I should stop complaining for a change and enjoy the fact that I agree with my family on at least one thing. I think I like this option more, it sounds less pretentious :)


See, part of the reason I don't like it here is that I'm forced to reconsider things I always held to be true. Oh, and the fact that MY SKIN IS BURNING AS WE SPEAK.

Current Location: Cairo
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: random muezzin in the background

We spent most of yesterday with some of my aunts and cousins, catching up, discussing random stuff and BOILING IN THIS UNGODLY HEAT. It is humid beyond all belief here, and you quite literally feel as though you’re walking in boiling water all day. You get irritable, and everything around you becomes uncomfortable: clothes feel oppressive, sounds seem horribly annoying, and god help the poor soul who accidentally brushes past you. And everyone’s suffering from it: cab drivers are getting into fights when someone cuts them off, stray dogs are getting run over because they’re trying to sleep under parked cars for shade, and the homeless people are naked, which makes it far less likely for people to offer charity. I don’t even know WHERE the hell this humidity is coming from, it’s a fucking desert, there’s no water to evaporate for miles around. And it’s also the fact that there’s dust everywhere. No I mean, literally everywhere. You feel slightly unclean all the time, because the dust sticks to you, and then you feel like yelling at it because IT’S SO FUCKING HOT and I’m argumentative. *ahem* more than ususal. The good news is, its only like that from about noon to 5:00, so if I sleep in until 5, it should be ok. Why not, I have nothing better to do with my time. Oh, and all last night I was kept awake by a group of stray cats and weasels fighting to the death on the street (I would love to be joking, but I’m not). Something you don’t see everyday in Ajax. Not even North Ajax, which is the ghetto, after all.

Current Location: Cairo
Current Mood: It buuurrrrns...
Current Music: It's getting hot in here-Nelly

Quick update. OK, as I type, I am in the Italian airport, surrounded by the most awesomest collection of stuff ever. There’s a Ferrari-related stuff store with so many shiny things (quite literally, everything is chrome plated), a nun wearing bling (gold cross the size of my head), a huge Dolce underwear ad with 7 half naked men, a life sized Harry Potter made of Lego, and get this, pizza. I don’t even know what I should talk about, I’m so entertained right now. It’s about 2 in the morning Canadian time, I haven’t slept at all, but I’m so in-fucking-credibly amused by all this at the moment, the concept of sleep hasn’t even begun to enter my mind. LIFE SIZED HARRY POTTER MADE OF LEGO!!! In the middle of the seating area, for no reason whatsoever. And the nun...little fragile old lady, not the type of person you’d expect to be a G-Unit fan. And I WILL get a slice of real Italian pizza, as soon as the store opens, ‘cause it’s kinda 8:00 in the morning here. I should sleep...        

At the moment, I'm just trying to finish any loose ends I have here before leaving, because chances are I won't be able to when I get back. I got back from Mike’s property yesterday, and although it was the most fun I could possibly imagine having (for example, rediscovering my love of rum and pirates), I was still kinda depressed for a good part of it. Knowing I won’t see anyone there for the next three weeks, then god only knows when after that...it kills your buzz a little bit. But goodbyes were said, hugs were exchanged, and I’m glad I’m leaving on a relatively good note.

It’s kinda stressful here right now, with the last minute packing and the realization that I can’t possibly move out to university the day after I get back from a 14 hour plane trip...if the jet lag doesn’t kill me, the stress and anxiety will. Who the hell thought this would be a good idea? But if worst comes to worst, I have my mix CDs, fuzzy hat, and internet connection to comfort me. And Egyptian food. As much as I hate to admit it, their food kicks Canadian food’s ass by a long shot...it’s sad, but that’s probably the only thing keeping me from running away and joining the circus by this point. And I can swim and read and paint and other stuff that doesn’t really make up for the fact that I’m leaving, but I’m mentioning to try to cheer myself up. Unsuccessfully. I need a hug.

So in conclusion, if anyone wants to see a terrible, evil, scary video that Sarah made me see to make my cry, click HERE.  

Current Location: Ajax
Current Mood: numb
Current Music: No Doubt- Don't Speak